That's What She Said..

Ok, sorry to disappoint you if you were looking for TWSS jokes, but hey, it worked!

So my white American girlfriend was looking at my 'Received calls' records last month (December). She just saw the last call date as 04/12/2013 and said, "Does it mean no one has called you after April?!"

Now because she has been forced to watch a ton of Bollywood movies and has to hear a lot of stories about India from me (I was born and raised in India) and my Indians friends, and otherwise (blogs, youtube, curriculum and not to forget, our very own Russel Peters! Oh, and The Big Bang Theory.), she has had questions that are very real, but very interesting for us. Recently I just made a list of the great things she ever said (and I hope this answers to her most favorite question "Are you even listening to me?"), and in return she had a list "Things brown boyfriends say", which I might be forced to post, but for now, the best ones from my list are here:

And no, that is not a selfie, no matter what it looks like.

The stereotypical ones from prior knowledge:
1. So, have you seen elephants wandering in front of your house?
2. My dad wants to know, don't your parents want you to marry a friend’s daughter?
3. If I come to India will I be bitten by a rabid monkey? Or a dog?
4. The whole thing where they burn the wife of an Indian man when he dies—your family isn’t expecting that, right?
5. Do you eat curry every day?
6. So do I have to get my nose pierced?
7. Does it smell in India?
8. What is this thing with throwing colors?
9. Are you related to Dr. Patel?
10. Have you seen Bride and Prejudice?
11. What do you think about “The Jungle Book”?

So she just wants to know more about the Indian culture and dynamics, so she has gone through a number of articles/videos and also heard things from me or my friends, she had more questions:

1. Are any of your friends named Raj?
2. So I will have to call your mom 'Mummy ji'?

3. You don't use toilet paper????!!
4. I said the exact same Hindi word, why did she not understand ME?
5. Is that head wiggle an act?
6. How do you eat with your hands?
7. You can't use your left hand to eat? Why not?....oh.
8. You talk too fast. So do all your Indian friends!
9. I know your friends, but I can't say any of their names.
10. Wait, cricket is not a bug?
11. So I have to get my nose pierced?
12. Will I be kidnapped if I visit?
13. Wait, you have seen buffalos?
14. Are baby buffalos cute?
15. Wait, 'sona' means 'to sleep' or 'to hear'?
16. What do you call bangles in Hindi? Is it 'churiya' or 'chutiya'? [For non-Hindi speakers: chutiya is 'asshole'; churiya is 'bangles']

About Bollywood movies:
1. Your movies are loooong!

2. What is this intermission thing?
3. Why do you always fast forward the songs?
4. Why are we watching this trailer? It has no subtitles! I don’t care if it’s SRK!
5. My friends say, if nothing else, I should at least get some Bollywood dance moves out of this relationship.

These ones are from the general pattern she has been observing:
1. Were you too on a dating website?

2. Your friends are pretty quick with the “like” button, aren’t they?
3. “I’m going to be a few minutes late” does not mean “I’m coming in two hours”!
4. Were you just talking to your friend about me in Hindi?

Now I totally give you the freedom to judge on these ones, she does have the side that made her say:

1. We are like vanilla and chocolate.
2. "You are the coffee to my cream" takes on a whole new level of meaning.
3. Have you ever worked in a call center?
4. Now I have to be nice to all the Indian people I see, they might be related to you.

So I am on it, and will keep adding more, and might also be forced to put her list on, but for now you can take this as FAQ for your white girlfriend.